Thanh
Tran
ENG
191
Section
27
Family Values in China and America
A child who is growing up in China
may be expected to live at home up until the day of their wedding, as compared
to a child who is growing up America may only live at home until they have to
move away for college, or even when they turn 18 years old. From my observation and intensive research, I
have discovered that families in China have a much stronger communication and
bond between their members. They even depend on each other when they are in a
financial bind and even when the children get older, most would still live at
home with their family.
Growing up in China, many children
were not able to go to school because their families were not able to afford
the tuition. If the family were not able to support their children through
school, the child can either stay at home to take care of the house and their
siblings, or they can go get a job to help the family out with finances. Even
as the children would get older, most of them would still be living at home
with their families. When they finally decided to get married, the couple could
choose to either move in with the husband’s side of the family for a couple of
years or they could move into a house that is still close to both of their families.
“Children typically live with the parents until marriage. After a brief
honeymoon, the newlyweds will move into an apartment. But, it is not uncommon
for newly married couples to remain in one of the parents' homes for a short
period after the marriage” (Culture in China 2012). By living within closer
proximity of the family, everyone could still get together on Sundays to have
quality family time. “It is common for family members to live very close to one
another, even when in separate houses and often within the same compound,
village, or immediate neighborhood” (Kislenko 140). With the families living so
close to each other, communication comes easier between family members. Not
only will this help with the bond between family members, but it will also
secure the likeliness of the next generation being able to grow up together and
continue on the cycle. “The Chinese value the importance of the family; the
hierarchical structure of social life; the cultivation of morality and
self-restraint and the emphasis on hard work and achievement”(Chinese Value
2012). Since the Chinese do not believe in the unnecessary separation of family
members, most households tend to range in the higher numbers compared to
families in the United States. Everyone would live together, including the
grandparents. In China, there aren’t very many active nursing homes because the
Chinese don’t believe in putting their elderly parents in such places. They
believe that doing so is disrespectful since their parents took care of them
growing up, so in turn, they must now care for their parents in their old age.
Nursing homes would be the very last resort if everything else would fall
through with their living arrangements. According to the foreign exchange
students from China that I got the honor to interview, family values are
extremely important in an Asian culture. They value the time they have with
each other and are able to communicate with one another.
In America, children are forced by
law to attend school up from kindergarten up until they reach the age of 16
years old. Most children in America would finish up high school and move on to
attend college. They would move out of their parents’ house, get a job, and keep
in contact with their family. “The children live with their parents until
adulthood, when they either enter the workforce full time or attend college.
After a few years, the now young adults are expected to marry, have children,
and repeat the entire cycle” (The All-American Truth about Traditional Family
Values 2012). Even though both sides may love their families equally, in the
Asian culture, family values are much more strictly woven into their daily
lives and it shows as members of the family grow up.
As the children grow older, they
start to find their significant other and form a family of their own. As within
all normal families, issues would arise and the husband and wife may have
different views on how to handle the situation. In American cultures back in
the days, the husband would always have the final say in what must be done in
the house. The husband would be considered head of the house and what he says
would go, but now in the 21st century, most husband and wives are on
the same level with power in their house. This is still not how it is in China
and most of the other neighboring Asian countries. As children, the boys were
brought up with a way of power and the girls were taught to be gentle and soft
spoken. “…the sex differences in moral orientation stem from the different ways
in which boys and girls are raised. According to Gilligan, boys are taught to
be independent, assertive, and achievement oriented experiences that encourage
them to consider moral dilemmas as inevitable conflicts of interest between
individuals that laws and other social conventions are designed to resolve. By
contrast, girls are brought up to be nurturing, empathic, and concerned about
the needs of others” (Lan 144). Even in today’s modern world, Chinese families
still follow these traditional ways in their household. In all three of my
interviews, I have learned that in their family, the father is still considered
head of the house.
Respect also plays a large role in
all families around the world. In the American culture, children are taught to
be respectful to their parents and elders. This goes the same with Chinese
families. Although in American families, the form of punishment may differ from
Chinese families. If a children acts out of order in an American family, steps
would be taken to revoke certain privileges away from said children for a
number of days or weeks. Most of the time in a Chinese family, physical
disciplinary would take place. “The mother punishes more often and the father
more severely. All serious offenses are reported to him and the threat of
telling a child’s misdeeds to his father is the most efficient method of
keeping him from mischief” (Lang 246). I have a couple of close family friends
that I grew up with and I would remember when they would misbehave, their
parents would beat them senseless with a large bamboo stick. By doing this, the
parents cause their children to remember the pain and suffering that comes hand
in hand with misbehaving. If my friends were to ever talk back to their
parents, all they have to do was grab the bamboo stick and my friends would
quickly apologize. Chinese families are much more strict when it comes to
respecting the elders. In American families, if an elderly were to request for
a change in something, the person may take it into consideration, but in an
Asian family, one must follow their elder’s teachings because it is out of
respect. If the family member were to disobey an elder, they could risk being
disowned from the family.
My family and both of parents came
from Vietnam and I was born here, in the United States. My family lives mostly
by the traditional Asian way, but I have learned that I am not fully like that.
Since I was born and raised in the United States, there are many different
views that my parents and I do not agree on because of the different ways that
we were both raised. My values are both mixed with the American and Asian
culture and teachings. I was able to find a balance between the strict Chinese
ways and through the understanding American culture. Even though most of my
family members are still stuck on their old traditions, I hope that one day, I will
be able to mentor the next generation on being able to find the peaceful
balance between all the different world’s cultures.
Works Cited
"China
Unique Culture in China." China Unique Culture in China. Premier
Star Co., n.d. Web. 16 Dec. 2012.
"Chinese
Values." Our Untold Stories. N.p., n.d. Web. 16 Dec. 2012.
Cotto,
Joseph. "The All-American Truth about Traditional Family Values." Washington
Times Communities. N.p., 13 May 2012. Web. 17 Dec. 2012.
Kislenko,
Arne. Culture and Customs of Laos. Westport, CT: Greenwood, 2009. Print.
Lan, Tsʻai-feng,
Huaizhen Peng, and Ko-wang Mei. Marriage and the Family in Chinese
Societies: Selected Readings. Indianapolis: University of Indianapolis,
1994. Print.
Lang,
Olga. Chinese Family and Society. Taibei: Nan Tian Shu Ju, 1968. Print.
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